Often we get caught in conflict because we are in some way attached to it either by habit or because we fear what it might be not to have the distraction of the conflict. That is to say we aren’t ready to give up the conflict because it is what we know. We believe that this is the way it has to be. It is our belief system that we can’t change the dynamic we are caught in. The truth is it only takes one person in a conflict to change it. If one of the people in the conflict begins to set boundaries and changes the dynamic, there is a new energy that arises and the conflict ceases to exist. The phrase it takes two to tango is true. We sometimes get so caught up in our conflict, all we see is the need for the other person to just do what we want them to do. If we can just change our own way of thinking and doing things, most always the conflict ends. It’s not up to us to change someone else, they will or they won’t based on their own need. It is, however, up to us to change ourselves.

SOME OF THE COMMON ELEMENTS FOUND
IN HIGH CONFLICT CASES:

• There has been frequent court litigation or disputes over minor or major child sharing issues;

• There has been some form of physical violence, intimidation or stalking or allegations of abuse;

• There has been some form of verbal or nonverbal aggression, abuse, harassment or threats;

• The parents have continuous and chronic co-parenting difficulties, even over minor issues;

• One of the parents is unable or unwilling to protect the children from the conflict;

• One of the parents encourages the children to side with them;

• One of the parents is unable or unwilling to separate the children’s needs from their own issues of anger and hurt;

• One of the parents is unable or unwilling to move away from conflict and build a new life as a
single parent;

• One of the parents refuses to share the children with the other parent;

• One of the parents may have been represented by several attorneys during the history of the case, frequently blaming the system for their failures;

• One of the parents or “the case” has earned a negative reputation with professionals involved with the court system.

Divorce is a result of escalating family conflict.
Court systems are inherently adversarial, promoting a winner and a loser. This can encourage couples to channel their anger into trying to win at all costs, escalating the conflict, thereby increasing the pain for all involved. If a divorce process goes on too long, it can diminish energy for parenting and drain bank accounts. It is important that the parents realize early the potential for destruction in this process at begin to channel their energy away for the conflict and toward the well-being of the children.

In solving conflict I work with my clients to explore how they are in the conflict and helps them to find new healthier ways to be in relationship with their children, and to move positively forward in their life.

I teach the High Conflict Diversion Program and do private consultation in preparation for Family Court Service Mediation. Also view other Workshops

TESTIMONIAL

"When my husband and I first separated, we went to a FCS mediator. At that time, my husband was being agreeable and civil towards me because he wanted to reconcile and move back in. The parenting schedule that was developed was based on that one meeting. We did reconcile, for about four months, and then things fell apart again. We were now ordered by a judge to attend private extended mediation in order to come up with a new parenting schedule.

I began my sessions with the mediator at the same time I began attending the High Conflict Intervention Program with Brook Olsen. My initial two meetings with the mediator were emotional. However, during the classes with Brook, I began to realize that it was going to take a lot more than crying about my problems to get things turned around in a positive direction. I needed some guidance to help me prepare for a third meeting with the mediator that would also include my husband.

During my individual sessions with Brook, I picked up ideas and techniques that made that final meeting with the mediator a success for me. One important point was to clarify what it was that I wanted from the mediator. I soon found out that the mediator was interested in hearing of our parenting plans and ideas. I had mine written down and right in front of me. I watched and listened as my husband stumbled through some random thoughts he had. Brook coached me to practice staying on topic, and encouraged me to think about and repeat the phrase, "I want what is best for my kids." He also taught me relaxation techniques. With these techniques, I was able to myself calm down and refocus when things became heated. 

Initially, I doubted the whole idea of a 'Personal Life Management Coach', especially since money is tight for me right now. But now that I have been coached by Brook, and have gone through the extended mediation process, I can wholeheartedly say that it was the best money I have spent in this entire divorce process. I was able to walk out of the mediation process a winner. Most importantly, I was able to get what is best for my kids."
 
Susan Campion

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